The Battery (2012) - Adventure, Drama, Horror

Hohum Score

99

Hohummer

The personalities of two former baseball players clash as they traverse the rural back roads of a post-plague New England teeming with the undead.

IMDB: 6.4
Director: Jeremy Gardner
Stars: Jeremy Gardner, Adam Cronheim
Length: 101 Minutes
PG Rating: N/A
Reviews: 33 out of 75 found boring (44%)

One-line Reviews (93)

It's a character film after all, and some might find it a bit boring.

But the title of this immensely intriguing low budget project shares a duel meaning as Mickey's collection of batteries he keeps in his travel pack holds the power of denial, allowing his Discman and a bundle of CD's to shut out the world.

Thankfully it was reserved as a small role, but his performance was poor and any more screen time could have dragged the film down.

If you are easily bored, and cannot stand character immaturity, cliché dialogue structure, this type of soundtrack, and mundane character actions, I'd move along to something else.

Slow but compelling.

I was fooled buy the ratings and reviews - It turned out to be a big boring waste of time.

The film is not without its flaws however, and I found myself teething on the edge regarding the rating.

the most boring zombie movie ever .

Yawn.

I began growing a little tired of all of the overlong, self-indulgent shots and the frequent time-killing music montages that went on for an eternity and seemed to exist solely to pad out time.

The camera work and visuals were boring.

So this alone ensures it's interesting to watch but inbetween these moments of survival, there's empty time that has to be somehow filled and leaves room for an artistic self to come to the fore.

If you want to listen to self-indulgent, "clever" rants by annoyingly bland characters and watch two dimwits brush their teeth for a minute while one of Gardner's friends' douchey bands is playing in the background, knock yourself out.

At times this seems to be dragging at a speed that even a slow walking zombie would feel offended by.

Nothing happened.

Sweet baby Jesus in a handbasket, you may just die of boredom before this movie ends.

They only barely pull back at the last moment from a trite finale, probably realizing it would have been too cute even for them.

With its nice shots, strong soundtrack and relatable characters this stands as one of the better zombie films even though I fear it might not be for everyone due to its slow pace and lack of action.

For all intents and purposes absolutely nothing happens in the movie except the one guy feeling sorry for himself.

I love film and I love it even more when it sneaks up and surprises me with something completely unpredictable and original.

An entertaining and insightful zombie film .

Perhaps the Zombie Apocalypse starts with being bored to death by this movie...

The third act as a whole is melancholy in its construction but also rousing and triumphant in a way and also offers a neat spin on the oft seen refuge camp, a la The Governor's Woodbury in The Walking Dead.

It has the usual recipe for disaster; low-budget, check.. Actors you never heard of, check.. Directors you never heard of, check.. Featuring zombies so double potential for cheesiness, check..Yet The Battery deifies the tradition of low-budget slapstick rubbish and slaps you with an unexpected dose of excellence.

Where as many low budget zombie films have poor execution or find it hard to meet expectations, trying to be bigger than they are or come across pretentious The Battery knows it's limits and is self aware.

Boring .

I see lot of good ideas bubbling under the surface but it's dragged on by way too many music scenes of those 2 main characters smoking, eating or just doing nothing.

I was on the edge of my seat waiting for Mickey's return at the end....

A crucial one is that the zombie world where humanity has been overturned and streets are empty is so malleable and so easy to explore and imagine.

I really enjoyed the slow first 2/3.

Every Hipster Cliche' imaginable.

Exciting stuff.

The film progresses nicely and events unfold through a rather predictable story line.

Even so, where most zombie offerings tend to tip the balance in the favor of stupidity, bland action and superfluous plot, The Battery tends to do it in the opposite direction: that of being TOO clever, too self- aware for its own good.

If World War Z is the viral apocalypse for the masses, The Battery (2012) is the antidote (illustrating the horde as the plodding, overwhelming monster that never stops).

But this was just plain boring.

Moreover, Gardner comes through with several genuinely startling and unexpected moments that pack a potent emotional punch: Ben and Mickey relishing a rare opportunity to brush their teeth, the sexually frustrated Mickey masturbating to a buxom and still attractive female zombie, Ben singing and clumsily dancing while listening to Mickey's Walkman, and rugged alpha male Ben forcing the wimpy and passive Mickey to kill his first zombie.

I, myself, enjoyed it.

While it can still be mighty slow at parts, new challenges arise for our heroes to face, which sort of makes up for the first half and makes this movie worth seeing.

There is no real plot, other than the zombie plague that apparently is spreading.

Then, check out a site like NETFL*X and skim the reviews and it's full of one stars proclaiming this to be the most boring zombie movie ever.

The Battery; an enjoyable experience, and a break from the usual high-octane action Zombie flicks.

It's not a film without its flaws though, with some scenes going on far too long, which kinda annoyed me and I really think it could've benefited with some leaner editing.

The music was too loud, too often and too boring.

Even the most resilient have burned out on zombies it seems, but this is definitely worth watching.

NOTHING happens in this movie.

Lets just start right off by saying that if you are expecting a run of the mill intense gore fest with guts all over the place, you are going to be disappointed.

Unfathomably uneventful...

Hats off to the guys for trying to do something different, it very nearly works in parts but there are just too many empty spaces in the film, too much nothing, too much nowhere...

And if that sounds exciting to you, you'll probably have a heart attack during the "showdown" that takes place in a car for about half an hour and features, among other incredibly pointless scenes, a looong shot of the director smoking an ENTIRE cigarette.

dull story,characters are just annoying at one point you are just watching a man smoke a whole cigarette on his own in a car.

This is a very slowly paced film and also one that fills a good portion of its running time with no dialogue scenes of the two traversing the sun soaked New England countryside.

Even more amazing, he did it on a budget that would barely cover a cast dinner in Hollywood, $6000The movie is very slow which admittedly is painfully slow at times and heavily relies on dialogue so if that's not your thing than you may want to skip this one but if you don't mind or are a fan of excellent script writing and dialogue driven plots, then this movie will one of the best low budget movies you will ever see.

This movie had a good take on zombies being fairly slow and easy to kill.

The protracted "final" was just that - overly long and dull.

The film is "The Road" boring.

Slow paced, no action, no plot, no ending, just a big waste of my time.

The pace of this first half moves along at the rate of a sloth eating laffy taffy, and includes all sorts of mundane things like brushing teeth, walking, singing, more walking, dancing, and bickering like a couple of 12 year old boys with only one comic book to share between themselves.

Bored me to death .

zzzzzzz

They talk about random boring stuff, come across a zombie every once in awhile, talk to a girl on the radio, listen to crappy indie music and get stuck in a car.

Regardless, the film is wholly unpredictable and that's one of the highest compliments I can pay to a film.

Boring AF!!.

Unfortunately, the bearded guy lets his moron pal hang around with predictable results.

It's a giant cliché, like the entire zombie genre is infested with clichés due to overabundance, but Jeremy Gardner (writer, director and lead protagonist) somehow still managed to deliver an extremely atypical film that hardly features any violence, massacres or even chaos.

In fact I found it so flat that it made me feel bored many times;In the Horrorant film festival in Thessaloniki where I watched it, it won the jury's prize for best movie, and I think that was unfair for other much more accomplished movies that were shown(my personal preference being the Schism).

But most of the time, like 90% of the time, we are stuck with the same two guys hanging out together, roaming aimlessly from one part of nowhere to the next, having dull conversations and smoking a hell of a lot of fags, all accompanied by a pretty dreary soundtrack.

I think it was 1:40 and I watched it in about 25 minutes, fast forwarding through most of the boring nonsense and just fished for scenes where someone was talking.

This is a movie that will have you bored to tears, no doubt.

A Slow Zombie Film.

Instead it's very slow, not much happens in it and there's barely any zombies.

If viewers describe the movie as boring, slow or uneventful, that's because the two main characters love to live as uneventful as possible.

Stilted, self-indulgent crap .

Rather they are depicted realistically as slow moving beings with minimal use of the CGI & makeup.

It's worth watching at least once.

to sum up 2 boring guys who don't even talk to each other much spend a lot of time together doing very little and the soundtrack witch is a big part of the film as one of the main characters spends most of his time with them on his head starts to be more like a poor music video than a film

Slow, boring, art-house version of the zombie apocalypse .

Gardner admirably eschews cheap scares and excessive gore in order to put a laudable marked emphasis on the two well-defined main characters, a low-key gloomy atmosphere, and the psychological ramifications of coping with a zombie apocalypse in which there's a considerable amount of tedious and monotonous downtime in between killing zombies and scavenging for food and supplies.

The editing is well done for a low budget flick and ties the funny, thrilling and heart-wrenching scenes together seamlessly.

By this yardstick it is painfully slow, there are relatively few scenes with zombies in them and the zombies themselves are pretty rubbish.

Granted, there wasn't many close-ups of the Zombies themselves, so the make-up department didn't have to work overtime, but you could tell they were effective enough to portray the fact that they were indeed, Zombies..Despite some of its flaws, (including a ever so slightly flawed ending) The Battery has a gripping sense of survival realism and the director doesn't fall short on giving you that sense.

So if you are a genre fan, don't expect the usual fun zombie ride, rather expect a slow character driven drama.

This is a long, slow, boring indie movie that has little to no zombie action and what little there is fails to satisfy.

Boring, and not because it's slow...

Yeah, I know it was made on a shoestring budget but it bored me to tears.

) as well as some suspenseful dialogs.

When 45 minutes had passed with absolutely nothing happening, I began to realize that this movie is hopeless.

Liberal fast-forwarding is required to get through this snoozer's interminable run time.

Uneven but worth watching and quite impressive given the budget.

A good short movie gem hidden in a movie that is way too long.

Nice effort, but I struggled to stay awake.

Three words: slow, slow, & disappointing.

I like slow movies, I like post apocalyptic movies, I like quirky movies, I like a lot of different movies...